Feeling very very happy.

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I photographed my first ever wedding last night. As an added bonus, I worked alongside my dear friend Dzhan. It feels as if it was a whole other lifetime ago when we worked together as Midwife and Birth Assistant. The two of us... we've seen a lot. 

It was another sweet family celebration, another occasion to gently guide and facilitate intimacy; another day when I was thankful to lean on Dzhan's experience and take ahold of the skills she'd taught me. She has a way of meeting me in the middle of uncertainty and quasi-chaos that heaps confidence on me without even speaking. 

I love getting older. Everything is rich and familiar and seen more fully through a filter of deeper life experience. 

I've been thinking a lot about love lately. I've been aware of love's ability to take from me, to leave me with less of myself than I started with.  I can easily calculate the cost of being in a relationship and sometimes it seems easier to keep my heart wrapped up tightly to avoid another loss. I remember being a little girl riding my bike down a gravel hill too fast, dust flying, hands gripping wobbly handlebars, pedals spinning faster than I can keep up with. I remember quickly coming to the realization that there was a very real threat of crashing. I remember time standing still while considering all of my options: hit the brakes? tuck and roll? just enjoy the thrill? feel the wind in my hair? let a howl escape into the breeze? 

Being in love again feels the same. That's what makes it better. I choose it anyways.

I'm still riding. 

What I have learned about myself is that I really don't know any other way. I have to love. It's who I am. I have to let those wheels spin wildly. I have to keep loving. And so I am. In spite of the temptation to censor and protect, and in spite of a very real fear of failure, there is within me an even greater amount of love.   

This love feels full and free and worthy of celebration. So I'm going to be over here soaking it up, living it fully, and feeling very very happy.

I hope you're having a good summer Friends. Cheers. 

little updates

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We've been having amazing weather. It's been in the 90's for the last 5 days. I'm loving it. So are the kids.  The school year has been wonderful, but the girls are getting anxious for summer break.

I'm so thankful that they've transitioned well to public school. I appreciate the time and love that their teachers have invested in each of them. It's been exciting to see them make new friends and take ownership of their work. It's not a perfect system, and we're smack dab in the middle of all of the end-of-year standardized tests (of which I'm not a fan), but even with the small little variances in educational theology, I know I made the right decision to send them. The thought of homeschooling 3 different grade levels and learning styles, entertaining a busy 3 year old boy, AND trying to run this house... it just gives me a major wave of anxiety. I admire those who can do it with such grace.

 

This week I started working on the pool. It's always a gross task to get it cleaned up, but I'll be floating on that water (now blue) by the weekend. Can't wait.

I also planted my outdoor pots yesterday. It's quite a task to pick out plants that grow in full sun (so hot on my patio), and that bloom all summer long, with matching colors and varying heights... it was an all-day process. I can't remember what I've done in the previous years, but some this year I picked: black and blue salvia, sweet potato vine, dahlias, blue lobelia, osteospermum, and cuphea llavea. I'm happy with how they turned out.

My little veggie plants are coming along slowly in the greenhouse. I'm hoping that they'll be ready to tuck into their outside beds in another 3 weeks.  

I've been enjoying the early mornings. I actually took on a little part-time baking gig at my favorite coffee shop. Two days a week my alarm goes off at 2:30am! Baking is not for the faint of heart!  It's a nice quiet time doing something I love. I usually finish up around 6:30am- just in time for some exercise.  

I'm still training for the Chelanman triathlon in July (I'm going to need every one of the next 70ish days to be ready). Here's what my workout schedule has been looking like. 

Mon: Run 3.5 miles

Tues: Bike 10miles/run 2miles

Wed: Swim 45 min/yoga

Thurs: Run 3.5 miles

Fri: Swim 45 mins

Sat: Bike 10miles/run 2 miles

Sun: free choice

I ran a little 5k last weekend and I'm not speedy, but I can feel myself getting stronger. I love wearing a number. And I love running to this song. It's my new favorite.

 
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We celebrated Ian's 3rd birthday last weekend. I'm so glad we decided to wait until he was better. He just loved all of the attention. I made him a train cake because he is obsessed. It turned out a little ghetto, but homemade cakes usually do. That's the cool thing about them I guess. He was easy to please. 

We have activities going every night; swim team, music lessons, volleyball, etc. I'm also teaching my childbirth classes one night a week. That craziness, combined with the warmer weather, has kept our dinners light and fast.  It can be a challenge to fill up these athletic little bellies on the run! Yogurt parfaits and egg sandwiches are some of my go-to quickies. 

So we seem to be settling into a nice little early summer rhythm here. I hope it's warming up where you are! Thanks for checking in... I"m going out for some more sun!